As I continue to prepare for this incredible new adventure that God has generously given me, I often find myself overwhelmed at the thoughts of what was, and what is about to come of my life. I am giddy, afraid, in awe, humbled, amazed and pretty well every other emotion that we humans know how to feel. Change is not usually for me. I love comfort, the known, the control.
As fear comes upon me, and I begin to feel completely inadequate, as I begin to believe I am not good enough and satans got me right where he wants me
For thirteen years GLA has been my home. I learned what loving so deeply is, what hurting and loss is, and what complete heart break is. I learned not to hold on to things too close, God wants that control and He does a much better job with it than me! My thirteen years have blessed me abundantly with being able to love and care for thousands of children that have come through these doors, watch hundreds of children unite with families that said “yes” to adoption, build incredible relationships with staff members and friends, and to have the gift of truly falling in love with the country that God has sent me to, to serve.
My thirteen years have also blasted me with earthquakes, hurricanes and loss that I never knew the heart was designed to withstand. I have seen things I had imagined my privileged life would never see. I have felt the pain of the thought of continuing on to be just too hard. Through all this I have seen the love of God and His grace over and over in all of these situations. This is when I become keenly aware that God is only preparing my heart for so much more to come!
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
This next part of my life brings an opportunity for so much new growth. A New norm. A new me! I will learn what it is to be a mother, how to raise a family of my own, and to love a child that belongs to me. A child I don’t have to hand over to the parents God design and created for them. The person He created for these wonderful ten children gets to raise them, teach them, and love them without that feeling of “temporary”. Without that feeling of guarding your heart because “goodbye” is soon. Knowing these ten are my children. As all these emotions swirl through my head daily, and who am I kidding, all night long as well.
As fear comes upon me, and I begin to feel completely inadequate, as I begin to believe I am not good enough and satans got me right where he wants me, my God and my Father comes in and reminds me that I was created for this and He has given me ten incredible, loving, compassionate, crazy, hilarious, God loving children! So as I struggle with the loss of what was. As I mourn the loss of this life I have loved and known, He shows me His plans and what He has given me. He makes my path straight, He has amazing things in store for me. My God will be walking beside me every single step of this change. So as I prepare my heart and my life for something new, I know without a doubt. Change….it is a good thing.